Stillness in chaos

     The world around us seems to be in ever greater chaos. There are upheavals in governments, great havoc in tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, famines, droughts, typhoons, and other elements causing pain, and death, and changed circumstances for thousands.
     There is immorality on every side. There are men and women who are legislating sin, and taking great satisfaction in depriving others of their freedoms. Crude behavior, vulgar language and clothing, elements of society promoting almost every behavior that goes against the commandments of God. It is unsettling and causes many to fear.
     I seek the stillness of quiet places, and seek meditation in this busy world, where there is no time to just be still, and listen. I listen to the quiet of the mountains, the chirp of birds and the chattering of squirrels and chipmunks; the peace found in listening to the wind as it sweeps through the trees, or the grasses, or bushes. I watch the clouds move across the skies. I watch and take great joy in the patterns of light and shadow created by sun and clouds. 
     I seek the Lord in quiet moments of prayer, and take deep joy as He answers my questions and comforts me about my troubles and cares. His nearness calms my soul, and brings me a greater, eternal, perspective. I have been, and are, so blessed and protected by Him. 
     Life is fleeting. It seems the yesteryears were only yesterday, but my parents and grandparents have lived out their lives, and are gone from the mortal sphere. The siblings and companions of my childhood have changed and aged and many of them I no longer know where they live, where they are. My children have grown and are not the babies, toddlers, and children I have loved so very very much. I love them still, but they are now adults, and different from each of their individual growing stages. I am so glad that I was able to be with them, and take joy in their maturing changes. The same is true of our grandchildren, and I see the flowing river of life. 
     Stillness, and contemplation allow me to take note, and then to give thanks to the Lord for His great plan of salvation and exaltation. I feel yearnings to reach, once again, the peace of eternity beyond this mortal experience. However, stillness and listening provide a better awareness of who we really are, and of the limits of mortality. Stillness lets me tap into my awareness of my own eternal reality. Who I am is eternal. The depths of my soul, and being, are eternal. Mortality is not who I am, mortality is simply where I am. For the moment!
     I am so grateful for this experience of mortality, the confidence in me that God has, that I can and will do as He asks, that I will accomplish the tasks He sent me here to do. I am eternally grateful for the Atonement the Savior wrought, because as I strive to be who I am, and as I make mistakes in the learning process, I can repent, be forgiven, and continue to strive to become like Christ, to follow Him, to return to the presence of my Heavenly Father, and spend eternity there. 
     Stillness. Listening. Being filled. Being renewed. Going on through this mortality. Yes, I am happy.
   

Random musings

My thoughts feel quite random today. Our friend is ill, he had a heart attack, but is doing well, being thoroughly tested, and moved to a regular room in the Hospital. Hard for his wife, family, and friends. Our son had surgery for double hernia repair, he is slowly recovering; while at the same time our daughter in law is caring for sick children, & making preparations for our grandson's scout camp. Things such as the physical exam, and also vaccinations for Jr High. Our 5 year old grandson was taken to the Dr to see if his sore throat was strep (thankfully not) and given his kindergarten vaccinations. Our dear daughter in law is also preparing for her booth at the Fiesta Days in our little town, and making ready her booth, and all the objects that will be on sale.
        The air smells like a mountain morning on vacation - right outside our home. I love it!
There are many soap boxes on various issues, and it seems as though many people want to be heard, but, who is listening? Emails, texts, facebook, & messenger are platforms to speak, to vent, to share, to escape boredom by sharing the minutia of their lives. Many posts, though, are very sincere, and often derided, or seemingly misunderstood. The world around us seems to be in chaos. Well, mostly it IS in chaos! Except for pockets of clarifying sanity, serenity, and optimism. The clarifying perception of our Prophet, Apostles, and other leaders, who counsel us through the truths of the Holy Spirit. The Savior told us "to be of good cheer", it is a good thing to try and implement because He knows whereof He speaks.
         I noticed the garbage truck emptying our garbage two days ago. I thought how wonderful it was to have garbage service. To have the leftover, empty, dirty garbage of our life....just go away! I am really grateful for that blessing. How many other mundane parts of my life am I missing and not registering as blessings, and things I actually treasure?  For instance, I absolutely love the passage of light. Early morning light as it slants in the window and makes light and shadow on walls, furniture, floors, and decorations; announcing another new day. The midday sunlight with heat and light, busyness, and accomplishments needing to be done. Late evening light creating a never ending display of mountains, clouds, sky, and closing of another day. I love light and shadow.
         I love our country, I love the faith which our constitution has inspired, the freedoms (which are, indeed, currently under attack) we have, and the many stories of ancestors who gave their lives, and lived their lives to make the concept work. There are still many people who live moral lives, and have great standards of loving, helping, and serving. I love that they contribute so much to our society.
         I love watching and experiencing the changes in my grandchildren's lives as they grow, and blossom; as they show their talents and personalities. What a joy to have children and grandchildren, and feel their love, and ache for the sorrows that come inevitably in all our lives.
         I love my Heavenly Father. I know He lives, that He is always watching over me, and all I know and love. I know my Savior, Jesus Christ, lives, and will always be the bridge back to my Father's home as long as I do my part.I know that He not only is with me, He is with, watching over, and loving every single soul who comes to earth. I am so grateful to Him for my life here on this earth.
         Random thoughts, but continual peace, every day of my life. I am here where I want to be, I know I am loved and protected, and there is Hope, for all that may seem hopeless and unknown. He is here, always.
     

Thanks Giving

I have loved reading others posts about how thankful they are for their families, friends, jobs, church, and blessings.

I, too, am so thankful for my husband, Jerry, and our children, and grandchildren, our sisters and brothers, our extended aunts, uncles, and cousins; and our many friends. We have a job, we have a home, we have vehicles, clothing, and food, we consider ourselves very blessed!

Thanksgiving is a real action word. It refers first to giving thanks, through words, feelings, observations, perceptions, and recognition. Our Heavenly Father has indicated that He is very displeased when we do not recognize the blessings which He gives to us. I imagine He is disappointed when we believe that all those good things in life come only through our own efforts.
Knowing the Source of our blessings, and acknowledging Who is the source, is required by the Lord.
We can draw closer to our Heavenly Father, as we see how much He loves us through the blessings we recognize.

Secondly, the second part of Thanksgiving is in giving of ourselves. We offer prayers of gratitude to our God because of His awareness and filling of our personal needs. We are so touched when we see direct answers to our prayers, when we see His hand in other's lives, and when we stop to look around us and see the beauty of this very earth.

Giving is such a privilege. It isn't just a responsibility, it is truly a gift to be able to give to others. We can give by a smile to others, keeping in touch with others through a phone call or a note or letter. We can respond to an observed need we see in other's lives. We can anticipate needs of a loved one or friend, or neighbor.

We can give to charity within our churches, we can leave anonymous donations of money or food to a needy person or family, we can simply let people know they are appreciated and not alone. We can teach our children the joy of giving to others, service all year round. I have watched a family do that, and I was impressed and gladdened by the love that underpins all they do, are, and are becoming!

Giving works best in our own spheres, our yards, neighborhoods, church congregations, and our cities. The world goes best when we each do our own small part to uplift all around us. We are coming to realize that many people are losing that sense of community, and looking to please only themselves; not realizing they are robbing themselves blind. Blind to the joy of helping others first. Blind to the emptiness of their lives. Blind to the deprivations of light and understanding that comes to those who readily give of what they have and are. Losing sight of their part in the brotherhood of mankind. I feel very sorry for them.

What a blessing to be able to see Who is giving us the needs of our lives, to be able to pray and say thank you to Him, and to know that we can please Him by recognizing His Hand in our lives. I love my Heavenly Father, I am so grateful for His teachings, and His presence in my life. I testify that He lives, and that He loves us.

I would say that acknowledgement and reciprocation are the true meanings of Thanksgiving to me.

Thank you.

The first Sister.

I am the eldest of eleven children. Three sisters, and seven brothers. My first few siblings rather appeared on the scene, the last five I watched for, and noticed, when Mom was expecting. We all looked forward to each baby that appeared, and loved them dearly. Each child has grown to be their own entity. Each is purely individual. Each has had happiness and grief and pain. All but one have brought "inlaw siblings" to our family, and we have come to love them, too. One of our dear Sisters in Law has departed this earth, due to cancer. One child was born with a severe mental handicap, locking his world into the world of a two to three year old.

Five years ago, one of our sisters, C, called each of the other sisters and proposed a Sister Retreat. We had grown apart, a little, and she felt that we needed to renew our sisterhood bond. The first year was emotionally rough, but worth it. Each succeeding year we have met at a location central to all of us, and we are growing closer with each retreat. We will always be individuals, we are not much alike in our approaches to life, our means of dealing with the impediments that life throws at us, but our central standards are very much alike. The teachings of our childhood remain ever present.

Eighteen years separate my youngest sister and I. We never really had much time to build bonds, so this is a means of doing just that. M was 3 years old when my husband and I moved two states away, and began our own family. We seldom saw one another because all of us were poor, no extra money to travel. I asked Mom to let my younger sisters come and stay with me in the summers, but she was reluctant to have them far away, and when I was working there was not much they could do during the day if they did come. I was always sad that we couldn't work out a way for me to spend time with them, but the years passed, and so did the opportunities.

I have three very lovely sisters. They are beautiful, real, fun, earnest in their endeavors, faithful to their inner beliefs, and yet each deals with insecurities (as do I ), yearnings, painful experiences of life, and personal allotments of grief and joy.

We are reaching out to each other. It is so important to be loved by one's sisters, and our strengths are multiplied as we reach out with love to each other. We have a shared background in many ways, however, we also did not have the same reaction from our parents. As the oldest, Mom and Dad were very strict with me and my near younger brothers and sister. The last half of the siblings had a more relaxed, more tired, more mellow set of parents. Eleven children are wearing on a couple! There tend to be resentments about the different treatments given the little ones. Because I was first out of the nest, I was not exposed to much difference in treatment. There was some, but, hey! that is life. And then I was gone, with visits perhaps once a year, or every other year, sometimes three years would go by. There were letters, but I was not a letter mailer. I would write letters, but procrastinate mailing them. But there were a few phone calls, they were expensive, so were few.

I love my sisters, I love their personalities, I love their tenacity to living their lives the best they can, I love them equally, and delight in their delights, and sorrow with them when they sorrow. I am looking forward to the great long expanse of eternity, where the bonds we are forging will continue with no end, enriching each other for all eternity.

What more can one ask?

Hope.

 I have been thinking of the reason I started a blog titled myriad musings. Perhaps the first reason was that I wanted to put on "paper" my thoughts and feelings, to develop my thinking and reasoning, and to share my thinking with others. Otherwise, I could just fill out my journal pages as part of our family history efforts.
Can I make a difference to others? Will my thoughts and beliefs help someone who is experiencing parallel
events or feelings? I hope so.
Hope fills our lives. We hope for small things like good grades on tests, good jobs, good meals, good interactions with others, etc. There is one great hope, the hope we have in Jesus Christ. Without a Redeemer, our journey through mortality would not have any hope. None. We make mistakes, and because Christ is our Redeemer, we can partake of repentance. Because of Him, we can come to understand our mistake, and why we made it, and tell our Heavenly Father we are sorry, ask for forgiveness, and realize that we are forgiven. We can become clean again, without the sin or mistake clinging to our souls and our psyches. We go forward with hope. Hope seems to be a renewal of belief. We are commanded in the Bible and other Scriptures to have hope in Christ, to have faith in Christ, to know that His name is the only name under Heaven who can offer redemption. He suffered for our sins, and died for us, and lives again. He wrought the only atonement ever given for us. I cannot conceive of the pain he suffered, but I am utterly grateful for His love and obedience that made eternal life possible - for all of us.
I think of how He made the sacrifice, but it us up to us to partake of it. If we never repent, never learn obedience, never receive the covenants, never try to do as the Lord commands us......then that great sacrifice will not apply to us. We will have to suffer for our own sins. I think the greatest sorrow will be the "might have been", the "if only".
Jesus Christ exhorts us to follow Him. He showed us the path, he leads the way, he prays for us, he helps us succeed when we try, we receive immeasurable blessings when we apply ourselves as commanded.
God gave us commandments as a measurement of agency. Our agency means we do not "have" to follow those commands....but we will be judged by them, and suffer the consequences if we ignore them, or follow them half-heartedly. Christ did not make any half-hearted gestures or actions! He fully healed, fully forgave, fully suffered, and foremost....he fully obeyed our Father in Heaven, always.
Hope is fully embodied in Jesus Christ. Because of Jesus Christ's atonement we can have hope of returning to live with our Heavenly Father, hope of becoming like God, hope of spending eternity where our work and  glory will be to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, just like our Father does.
Hope is in the here and now, a light for our mortal lives. There is only joy in obeying what Heavenly Father asks us to do, and there is only sorrow in rejecting our Father. I exhort us to have hope, to develop faith, and to come to know the joy only He can give. It's the better way!

Peace within my soul

     The benefits of exercise in my life are great. While I was sick for 3 months this year, I could not exercise. I was doing well just to live! Needless to say, muscles I can usually call on at will, became much less effective. Then I began exercising again. I started with my glider. First day 1 mile. Hard to achieve, but I did it! I kept adding a half-mile per day until I reached 3 miles. Then I began doing the exercise video from the Food Lovers diet, it is a 12 minute video during which you do not stop moving, during the entire time. I noticed almost immediate results, and began to be able to call on my "normal" muscles with ease and good action.
     When I exercise I feel better about myself as well. I know that I am contributing to my over-all good health, and that I feel peace about what I am doing.
     I think that peace and balance or completeness is what I seek in my life about everything which I do. Reading the scriptures, regular prayers, as well as "prayers of the moment", fairly regular bedtimes and number of hours I sleep, healthy food with an occasional "big treat", cleanliness of self and home, and regular times of recreation and rest, or meditation, and distinct times of service to others. All of these create a feeling of doing those things which give me complete peace within. It has nothing to do with daily stresses and how I handle them, it has nothing to do with family stresses, it is simply a "formula" which makes me complete. I know who I am, I know my relationship to my Heavenly Father, I know my relationship with my husband and also my children and grandchildren, my siblings, my friends, and my ward and stake. I know that there are things which are good, that I am not doing right now, and that is okay. I know that we are not supposed to do everything all at once, there are times in our life to do some good things, and other times to grapple with different good things. Balance and perspective are required, also listening to the Spirit to know what good things I should focus on at any given time. These are the foundation of being at peace within my soul.
     I believe that peace within my soul is the definition of happiness, eternal happiness. It does not mean that I never have stress or turmoil, anxiety or discouragement, sorrow or joy, or encounter those regularly placed bumps and pitfalls of mortality; it simply means that that balance within sustains me through all of my life.
     I am not a "why ME?" person. I cannot remember if I have ever thought or said "Why is this happening to ME?" If it happens to me, it happens- if it doesn't happen, it doesn't----it really doesn't matter, it is something simply to assimilate, and solve. It is there, deal with it!! Life is full of surprises, both good and difficult. I believe that all of us make mistakes in this life, my father-in-law once told me that this is the reason we come to earth, to make mistakes, repent of them, and learn from them. I was much encouraged by that! None of us do everything perfectly all of the time, it just isn't going to happen. We need not feel as though we are of less worth because we fail, it is the getting up and going on....the repenting and learning....the humbling and becoming who we really can be; this is the purpose of this life.
     It helps me to put these thoughts down on "paper", to realize how I feel inside, to feel at peace with who I am. To know, also, how very much I am grateful to Heavenly Father for helping me to grow and understand what the eternal process really is.....and to enjoy it.
     
  

Our country, the United States of America

What can save a country? For the last 14 years I have watched our nation slip slowly from a strong, principled country...to a country standing with head bowed, in shame, at the antics of "leaders" who glibly lay their hand on a Bible; swear to uphold the laws of the land, then fail to even try.
Our world standing is so low, our moral standards as a nation are so lacking....that I would utterly fear for the continuation of this country, would fear that our current holder of the Oval Office would bring this country down, as seems to be his singular goal - except for the words of Prophets. True Prophets of this latter day. I looked up some quotes and include some of them here..........

Brigham Young As the President of the Church

"2.5. There never was a better constitution on the face of the earth than the constitution of the United States. There is nothing but the people of God could enjoy under it. But the Federal constitution is trodden under foot. All that I am afraid of is that the Elders of Israel will forget their God.(JH [8 Jul 1849] 3)

2.6. I arose and spoke substantially as follows: . . . I love the government and the constitution of the United States, but I do not love the damned rascals who administer the government. (JH [8 Sep 1851] 3–4)

2.12. Will the Constitution be destroyed? No: it will be held inviolate by this people; and, as Joseph Smith said, “The time will come when the destiny of the nation will hang upon a single thread. At that critical juncture, this people will step forth and save it from the threatened destruction.” It will be so."

President David O McKay

 

"Today, as never before, the issue is clearly defined—liberty and freedom of choice, or oppression and subjugation for the individual and for nations.

As we contemplate the deplorable fact that within the brief space of one year, ten European nations have lost their independence, that over two hundred and fifty million people have surrendered all guarantees of personal liberty, deeper should be our gratitude, more intense our appreciation of the Constitution, and more strengthened our determination to resist at all costs any and all attempts to curtail our liberties, or to change the underlying system of our government. (“Essentials of a Better World” 698)

9.5. Throughout the ages advanced souls have yearned for a society in which liberty and justice prevail. Men have sought for it, fought for it, have died for it. Ancient freemen prized it; slaves longed for it; the Magna Charta demanded it; the Constitution of the United States declared it. (“The Church and the Present War” 341; also in Gospel Ideals 288)

9.6. We . . . warn our people in America of the constantly increasing threat against our inspired Constitution. . . . The proponents thereof are seeking to undermine our own form of government and to set up instead one of the forms of dictatorships [which] is now flourishing in other lands. These revolutionists are using a technique that is as old as the human race,—a fervid but false solicitude for the unfortunate over whom they thus gain mastery, and then enslave them. (Grant and McKay 273, 343)

9.7. Therefore, as against the tyranny and despotism of Totalitarianism and Dictatorships, let us willingly and heroically, defend the Constitution of this land that guarantees to every citizen of the republic, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and favors the divine pronouncement that the souls of men are precious in the sight of God. (“Address to Marines Enlisted in Newest ‘Mormon Battalion’” 4)

9.8. The Constitution of this government was written by men who accepted Jesus Christ as the Saviour of mankind. Let men and women in these United States then continue to keep their eyes centered upon Him who ever shines as a Light to all the world. (“The Light That Shines in Darkness” 750)"........................

President Harold B Lee

 "Men may fail in this country, earthquakes may come, seas may heave beyond their bounds, there may be great drought, disaster, and hardship, but this nation, founded on principles laid down by men whom God raised up, will never fail. This is the cradle of humanity, where life on this earth began in the Garden of Eden. This is the place of the new Jerusalem. This is the place that the Lord said is favored above all other nations in all the world. This is the place where the Savior will come to His temple. This is the favored land in all the world. Yes, I repeat, men may fail, but this nation won’t fail. I have faith in America; you and I must have faith in America, if we understand the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are living in a day when we must pay heed to these challenges.

I plead with you not to preach pessimism. Preach that this is the greatest country in all the world. This is the favored land. This is the land of our forefathers. It is the nation that will stand despite whatever trials or crises it may yet have to pass through.

( Source: Ye Are the Light of the World 350-51 )"....................................................

 

 

We can, then, with faith and assurance, pray for this land, this people, and our beloved Constitution. It will not fail, our Constitution was written by inspired men under the direction of God Almighty, and He it is, who will direct righteous men and women in defending and saving it's beloved precepts and laws. We can count on Him, we can believe the words and prophesies of our Prophets. We can go forth with hope, with cheerfulness, praying for direction for our own part, we can elect good men and women to office. Although great wickedness abounds, God is still with us. He hears and answers our prayers.

 I love my Country and our Constitution. I am gladdened in my heart to know that our country will not fail, and that I can apply faith in my prayers concerning the woes we are currently going through.

The year winding down....

I have not had much time to muse this past year. I have missed it. I was so busy, and I am afraid I quite emptied my reservoir. Now I have to take the time to fill it up. Wanting to be up and doing, wanting to take on new projects, wanting to keep going......well, when the well runs dry, you must stop and fill it up!
     Elder Jeffrey Holland said " Fatigue is the common enemy of us all--so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill".
     Yes. So....that is what I am doing. Reading, praying, resting, absorbing love from my family and especially the grandchildren. There are still many things one must do, go to, accomplish. But the joy is not there at present, for these things that I usually enjoy.
     Thank goodness that I know that this ennui and emptiness will pass. It just takes time. A lot more time than I had initially hoped, but I can see incremental revivals on some days, other days I just long for a corner, and peace, and quiet. It is also rather daunting that my health is not as good since the well went dry. Headaches, aching joints, a general feeling of not being well, and most things to do exist on top of a very steep mountain that I must climb to accomplish the task.
     Tasks which I have shaved to the simplest, no extra frills, nothing fancy at all. Christmas, but no extras, just bare bones decorating. Dinners, very simple, easy to prepare - which take me as much time as a fancy dinner took to prepare before the well dried up.
     Wells are very important keys to our soul. Filled wells allow greater service.
My well is dry, not because I was not careful of my expenditures of self, but because the task I undertook simply used up all I had....and a little bit more. I am not sorry for the service, and I know that the Lord helped me every step of the way....but it took it all...and a little bit more. When the well is dry it is like a plowed field that is just dust that blows in the wind. Water is needed. A lot of water over a period of time to bring the field back into usefulness.
     It is also hard to explain to others. I might make a sign that reads "The well is dry, please ask someone else this time." If I had the energy to make the sign!! :)
     I think that each of us needs to realize that sometimes the well is dry, that we can't take on certain duties, can't reach beyond our resources, don't need to feel guilty about it, don't need to feel "second rate", can't worry about what someone else might think about our reduced activity...... so many aspects of not being our full selves at the moment.
     If we take the time to refill, however long that takes, then we will be our normal selves again, and do our normal service, and easily accomplish our tasks and services. I am looking forward to that....but I am not there yet, and maybe not anytime soon--but I WILL get there, that is what time is for; to use for our needs and at times for others needs. But you can't pour water into another's cup if you do not have water in the first place! It isn't something you can argue about, thinking won't change the reality, wishing just fills some time, and trying to serve when you are empty is an effort in simulation.
     So.....I am resting, and will soon start refilling, and at a future time find I have refilled the well. I just ask, please don't push me!
 Thank you! :)

The blessing of adversity in life

For the past few weeks I have been thinking of the value of adversity in our lives. Today is Pioneer Day in Utah, and it reminds us to celebrate the arrival of the first Latter Day Saints into the valley of the Great Salt Lake. It was a fairly empty place, (not a place anyone would dream of had they the choice of a paradise) to escape from the enemies who had driven the Saints from place to place. So many people died. So many were murdered for their belief in Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. We honor their faith, their diligence, their persistence, and just dogged determination. Because of them we have these lovely valleys and towns along the Wasatch Front in Utah, and many other places of refuge in Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, Arizona, and Mexico. I have many ancestors who walked across the plains with their entire lives in the wagons or handcarts next to them, or the livestock they brought with them. Because of them, I am who and what I am. I have the same values they had, and I can only declare my gratitude for the heritage they have given me.
     But who would they have been without the adversity? Would they have developed the same courage, tenacity, and self-reliance? Would they have learned to rely on the Lord without those trials? Who are we today? Have our trials strengthened our lives, enlarged our vision and perspective, brought us closer to God as we bow beneath the load?
     I can remember the many times I have gone to the Lord on bended knees, begging for help with the trials we faced, the needs, the crises in our life. So many times I simply begged for the trial to evaporate, please take it away, I don't think I can do this! But gradually I would realize that He was helping me through it, instead of removing it from my life. I can remember dark days and darker nights, feeling as though there would be no good resolution to the problems. But, I was wrong. I would not give up what I learned as I completed those heavy trials. I would not give up the strength of soul that I gained. I definitely would not give up the relationship I have gained with my Heavenly Father, not for any amount of money or lack of trial.
     In musing upon adversity, I see it now as my greatest of blessings. I don't think I could have the deeply satisfying relationship with my husband, if I had not experienced the growth of soul and character that came from my earlier trials. As I see the trials of my children and grandchildren, it isn't easy to see them suffer and struggle; but, I do know that it will be to their benefit. A benefit here on earth and through all eternity.
     Adversity is a refining fire, it brings the gold buried within to the surface; where we can use it to accomplish the requirements of our life here on earth. When we develop those "gold" talents and skills, we can bless the lives of others, bring change to our communities, and subtly, to the world around us.
     My prayers are for all who are going through deeply painful trials; for the Lord to comfort them, and to watch over them as He has always watched over me. It truly is not easy, it is a very painful process. But, I promise, it will bring greater joy than can be had without the trials. I do see adversity as one of the Lord's greatest blessings to us on this earth.

The Smells of Summer

I love the smells of summer. I love the fragrance of a fir tree in the shade on a hot, sunny day. I also love the "forest smells" early in the morning from the canyon winds or breezes. I love the smell of roses, of fresh mown lawns, and of freshly cut hay. I actually love all the flower smells. I love the look of geraniums on my balcony off our bedroom. I love the smells of the neighbors having an outdoor barbeque, or the yummy smells of our own barbeque. I love the smell of sunshine, sidewalks, and lawns.
I love the smells of a coming rain storm. Lightening, thunder, rain on the house, road, lawn, and garden all have a certain smell. I love a long lingering rain, that refreshes the earth and everything on it. I love the smell of sunshine on a freshly rained on hill, or lawn, or road.
I remember the smells of summer when I was a child. The smell of hot dirt, that I loved to rub my bare toes in. The smell and feel of the shade of our weeping willow, the smells of leather and horse in the barn.
As I age, my nose does not smell as well as it did when I was younger, I miss some of the more subtle scents, but I do so enjoy the smells I can smell!
I love the smell of corn on the cob, and the smell of husking the corn. I love the smells of summer tomatoes, and the anticipation of a real garden tomato, not the plastic, non smelling, winter tomatoes. I love the smell of new potatoes, new onions, and spinach fresh from the soil.
I just enjoy the smell of a wonderful world. It isn't often that I stop and realize how much those smells and memories enrich my life. I love this life!!

It has been so long since I took the time to "muse". Life goes along at a breakneck pace sometimes. I have spent a week watching my 4 youngest grandchildren while my daughter in law went to Girl's Camp with the 2 older granddaughters. I have spent a week having acute diverticulitis, and a week doing a few hours of being an election judge for the "early voting" segment of our State Primaries. I have enjoyed much of the things I have been doing, and suffered thru the diverticulitis, and the bad reaction to the antibiotic when I went home from the hospital. There were other things, but I look and wonder where all the time went.
     I have a long list of things I would like to get done. Organizing, cleaning, painting, refinishing,....the list does seem endless at times. I do not mind an endless list, that way I never get bored, and life is interesting. I began an intensive exercise program last month. My sweet hubby bought me a glider to use, because it allows me to exercise without impact on my joints. I was doing 10 miles per day, then I got the diverticulitis thing, and will need to wait a few more days until I am over all that.
     My brother, Marvin, remarried last Saturday. I am so happy for him. He and his new bride, Delorice, are no longer lonely and aching. They love each other, and have found joy, friendship, and love again. The light has come back into their lives. The lights went out for them when their spouses passed away. Now life is good again. Marvin's kids are still adjusting, but the pain of seeing Marvin move on after the death of their mother and grandmother will pass. We pray that they will be able to move on soon, and see the positive changes in their Dad's life, that he is happy again. Neither Marvin and Delorice will forget their spouses who have passed away, but now they can have someone to share life with. I am so glad!
     Our children and grandchildren are doing well, and that brings such a great measure of peace. So........life is rushing so quickly this month, but it should return to "normal" in July. I wonder how that will go? I hope I can get to some of my projects, and feel the peace of having them done, and the beauty and joy I find in doing them. Looking at the balance of my life....it is good. I feel blessed.

I haven't been at the computer for a couple of weeks or so. After becoming a county delegate at the precinct caucus, going to a lot of meet the candidate meetings, and searching out the candidates information on their web pages - I then went to the County Convention. It was fine, slow, and accomplished the task of deciding who would be put on the General Election ticket or who would go to the Primary Election where the voters will decide who will be the Republican offering at the General Election.
Jerry flew to DC (that same day as the County Convention) to attend a convention concerned with Mail and Shipping, stamps, etc. I fell ill that evening and was very ill for the next 5 days (and nights). I had fevers, chills, and gripping pain in my abdomen, and the beginnings of a bladder infection. Not fun!!! Thank goodness I had Rachel to help me out and listen to my moans and groans. But I am well now, and very glad to have the misery in the past.
Isn't it interesting how pain distances one from the normal everyday world. I didn't read much, I didn't watch TV, I just suffered and waited for normality to come slowly back. I think that pain and grief do that to us. We just go on, one step at a time, sometimes cocooned in the immensity of grief or pain, other times we feel empty and somehow altered from what we were "before" or what we consider is our "norm". Light slowly comes back when we have deep grief from loss of access to our loved ones; and a physical fragility is associated with an experience of great pain that has passed. One of the great joys I have is the contemplation of having no pain after we leave this life. Just that one thing seems worthy of my best efforts in order to obtain that good place where I will no longer have pain. When I was young, I was healthy, and wondered what it would feel like to have constant pain, or arthritis, or have handicaps. I have those answers now, and know what it feels like....but I don't want to experience them for eternity!!! Sometimes eternity is the length of a night's intense pain. Time passes so very slowly that one wonders at simply getting through the night. But all of these things slowly pass. Grief lessens as time passes, although there are moments or days that bring back the intensity of the initial grief. Years pass and much becomes bearable where grief and loss have been endured. Ongoing chronic pain is simply endured, and proves to have different levels of intensity also. As the years pass, and accumulate, I can see how one would be ready to go on to the next level of life in passing from this world. Some of my older friends explain at the death of a long lived relative, "they were so ready to go, they felt that they had lived a good life, they were ready". I hope that I will be ready 20 or 30 years from now, if my work is done, if I have served and helped, and given of my heart and soul to all in need.....then maybe I, too, will be ready for the harvest beyond the veil. But right now, there is still much to do!!!

When Politics swings its confrontational head again.

I hate Politics. I love freedom, and I also love freedom of speech, and everyone's right to vote. I always vote, and as long as I have breath and the privilege of voting, I most certainly will vote. I am very conservative, and I have watched over the years as our country has become a "gimme" source. Mr Obama was voted in because many people thought he would give them the things they want from the government. Not the right to be self supporting, and fiscally conservative; but the "right" to have handouts, to "have a law" governing every conceivable choice people might make. The Prophet Joseph Smith said (paraphrased) "I teach people correct principles and they govern themselves". That is how it should be, we should be able to make good choices, and live with our neighbors, and follow the laws that govern moral behavior. Now we are going to be unable to make our individual choices about Health care, when did that become the government's job? There are a multitude of laws that have eroded our personal freedoms, and I fear for our country in the coming years. I do not fear for myself, I know the Lord watches over me and my family, but I do wonder where all this erosion will leave our beautiful country. I see great evil on all sides, what will happen as we, as a nation, try to set aside the God who said this is a chosen land, and when the people choose evil, there will be repercussions....from God, directly. We may think the elements run themselves, but it is not so, the Lord is the one in charge, and His presence will be felt, has been felt, is being felt everywhere on earth.
     I would like to see everyone who is able to step up and vote. I wonder if there would be a change in the direction our country is now taking. I would hope so! I fervently pray that it will BE so, but I have a heavy heart to think that Mr Obama might be voted in again, and then the toboggan our country is on will go down very fast indeed! I urge you to vote, every single vote does count. The only majorities are made up of many single votes....there isn't any other way! And pray, pray for our Country.

Becoming ourselves, day by day.

I just watched a short video about flowers developing their blooms. It was beautiful, and I thought about each one of us changing and developing, becoming a beautiful person, showing our own personal traits and beauties. Each flower is different from the others, some are large and full bloomed, some are small and delicate. I have tried to include the link to the video here. http://player.vimeo.com/video/27920977?title=0&%3bbyline=0&%3bportrait=0href= Each of us has some special personality trait that makes us different from all our siblings and friends. We often look at other's traits and wish we could be like them. Taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, full-bodied, slimmer, better hair, curlier hair, straighter hair, the list goes on and on. What we fail to see is the beauty within ourselves. It is best viewed by others, it is hard to see ourselves clearly, especially when we want to accomplish good things in our life. We also see reflections of "perfection" in the media around us. We should all be so tall, weigh so much, have so much energy, have lovely hair, and a lovely body (determined by a composite on the computer), be so smart, be so educated, earn so much money.....again that list never ends. However, we are sent here by a loving Heavenly Father. We each look like a composite of our ancestors. We inherit some of their strengths, and some of their weaknesses (physically). What we often fail to see and clearly understand is how absolutely beautiful we are! JUST as we are! We discount our good points and dwell on our weak points and end up not liking ourselves very much. But we don't have to do that. We can accept that we are not going to look like a movie star, we are simply going to be ourselves. Think of the people you really truly love, do you really care if they weigh just so much, or if their skin is free from blemishes, or if they are aging and showing wrinkles, etc. ? My Mother's mother was such a lovely person, how I love her and how I adored her. She worried about her thinning hair, I loved her for the person she was, and the wisdom she shared, and the love she had for me. Isn't that true for the people WE love? Then perhaps the true secret of beauty is to love others and accept them for who they are, and love them as they are.....and miracles happen.....because then we are loved and accepted too. Pretty neat, huh?

Gardens

It is nearly March. In March I usually start thinking about preparing for gardens. I don't have much space for gardening just now, but I still think about it. I look at the farmers fields along the road here and they have already begun tilling the soil for the coming crops. There are so many kinds of gardens. Vegetable gardens, fruit orchards, grain and corn fields, beet fields, flower gardens, and so many more. There are gardens of the mind,also. How do we till, and sow, those gardens of our minds? What do we fill our minds with? Do we read good books with contemplative thoughts of people through the ages? Do we watch TV? Do we read romance novels or other books about as deep as thin plastic wrap? Do we surf the web for hours? Are we taking time to sit and think? Are we aware of the beauty and peace of the mountains, valleys, rivers, and oceans nearby? Do we see the little flowers along the way? The beauty and shape of a fallen leaf? I love to see the sun rise, the light that glows on the mountains, the house next door, the golden light on my floor and walls. I love the glow of light through the plant leaves, and the uplift that comes each time I see it. I love looking out my windows to see the flowers I plant each year. I love deep red geraniums, set next to white alyssum. I also love deep purple pansies, and rich colored marigolds. I also love to see my tomato plants grow. We enjoy eating tomatoes from the garden, so we plant them. A garden of lettuce, carrots, spinach, green peas, green beans, cucumbers, and tomatoes.....there is nothing that tastes so good as a fresh veggie from our very own garden, unless of course, our neighbor shares with us!! I think gardens of all kinds bring us renewal and peace. A kind of joy for the season, and gratitude to the Lord for all His bounties....year round. I think this renewal comes when we read good books, listen to a good sermon, or receive peace to our hearts and minds during a period of meditation, or prayer. What a wonderful experience we can have during our lives here on earth!! So much to be grateful for. So much.

Time - a short term commodity.

Time is always of the essence. We can use our time in any way we choose. We can meditate, ponder, view the world around us, do a good deed, accomplish a chosen task, invent something new, watch a sunrise or sunset, interact with other people, read, or anything we choose. We can follow directions from someone in authority over us, such as doing the chores assigned us at work, or we can be the person who assigns other's chores and jobs. We can do something "useful" or we can watch a baby learn to crawl, or think of how the world is affecting us. Often "useful" is determined by other's viewpoints, but often the most useful thing we can do is something that is useful in our own perspective. Visiting someone who needs to just have someone to listen to them is useful - to them, but in the long run, very useful to us, because service is the most "useful" use of our time in our lives. In order to be of use to others, we need to have "water" or substance in our "well". That means we need to take time to define our personal parameters. We need to know how we relate to our God, we need to take time to study the scriptures, we need to spend time in prayer, we need to know how our God feels about us...we need to know if, and how much, He loves us...personally. My understanding of how truly Heavenly Father knows me is the foundation for my soul. He knows my innermost thoughts, needs, joys, and sorrows. He will judge me justly. I know this, and it gives me great peace and security. He has given each of us the blessing of time. Time to learn, grow, and prove ourselves to Him. I love Him for this, and I am so grateful for the experience.