Friday, December 27, 2013

The year winding down....

I have not had much time to muse this past year. I have missed it. I was so busy, and I am afraid I quite emptied my reservoir. Now I have to take the time to fill it up. Wanting to be up and doing, wanting to take on new projects, wanting to keep going......well, when the well runs dry, you must stop and fill it up!
     Elder Jeffrey Holland said " Fatigue is the common enemy of us all--so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill".
     Yes. So....that is what I am doing. Reading, praying, resting, absorbing love from my family and especially the grandchildren. There are still many things one must do, go to, accomplish. But the joy is not there at present, for these things that I usually enjoy.
     Thank goodness that I know that this ennui and emptiness will pass. It just takes time. A lot more time than I had initially hoped, but I can see incremental revivals on some days, other days I just long for a corner, and peace, and quiet. It is also rather daunting that my health is not as good since the well went dry. Headaches, aching joints, a general feeling of not being well, and most things to do exist on top of a very steep mountain that I must climb to accomplish the task.
     Tasks which I have shaved to the simplest, no extra frills, nothing fancy at all. Christmas, but no extras, just bare bones decorating. Dinners, very simple, easy to prepare - which take me as much time as a fancy dinner took to prepare before the well dried up.
     Wells are very important keys to our soul. Filled wells allow greater service.
My well is dry, not because I was not careful of my expenditures of self, but because the task I undertook simply used up all I had....and a little bit more. I am not sorry for the service, and I know that the Lord helped me every step of the way....but it took it all...and a little bit more. When the well is dry it is like a plowed field that is just dust that blows in the wind. Water is needed. A lot of water over a period of time to bring the field back into usefulness.
     It is also hard to explain to others. I might make a sign that reads "The well is dry, please ask someone else this time." If I had the energy to make the sign!! :)
     I think that each of us needs to realize that sometimes the well is dry, that we can't take on certain duties, can't reach beyond our resources, don't need to feel guilty about it, don't need to feel "second rate", can't worry about what someone else might think about our reduced activity...... so many aspects of not being our full selves at the moment.
     If we take the time to refill, however long that takes, then we will be our normal selves again, and do our normal service, and easily accomplish our tasks and services. I am looking forward to that....but I am not there yet, and maybe not anytime soon--but I WILL get there, that is what time is for; to use for our needs and at times for others needs. But you can't pour water into another's cup if you do not have water in the first place! It isn't something you can argue about, thinking won't change the reality, wishing just fills some time, and trying to serve when you are empty is an effort in simulation.
     So.....I am resting, and will soon start refilling, and at a future time find I have refilled the well. I just ask, please don't push me!
 Thank you! :)